Go on...
I said, pass ahead
Oh no, it's time for the wedding
And Father Li is not here yet
Hey, Cui, you must help us out
Or we're finished
The bride is here now
Few pages more...
Few pages more, keep going
Shit, you missed it
Turn back...
Lord, this is the day you take a rest
But there're still many people
who can't sit still and take a rest
So I decide to help them
by performing the shortest ceremony
From their eyes
I can see this couple
is sweet, romantic
sensual, hot, sexy, horny
Today I'm the godfather and your witness
You...
Guan Qimen
Guan Qimen, do you want to marry... who?
Bi Shizhu
Bi Shizhu as your wife?
Yes
Are you sure? Have you thought it all over?
You're not forced to marry, right?
It's none of your business
You shut up
I just want to make sure
So they won't regret in the future, okay?
Do you really want to marry her?
I do, I really do, I terribly do
Okay, that's up to you
Bi Shizhu, I don't think I have to ask
You do want to marry him, right?
I do... I really do
Good, you've exchanged rings already
May God bless you
According to your village custom
If no one objects until I count to three
You're a legally married couple
Now I start counting
One
Two
Objection
I won't take my objection back
Stop the wedding, someone objects
Objection
I object to this marriage
Li Falong, what are you doing here?
Everyone in our village
knows my relationship with Qimen
And now you take him away from me
Qimen, answer me now
Do you want to marry this fat girl or me?
Answer me now
Falong, please don't insist
I have to listen to my father
Guan Qimen, you are so cruel
Look at you...
I knew you're forced to do this
Stop that, stop saying that
Get away, I'm performing the ceremony
Not you
Sister, don't worry. You're lucky
...to have me here
Tell me everything and I'll handle it
If I can't handle it, I'll find someone instead
Bullshit, it's none of your business
Shut up, fat pig
Or I'll rape you
Please forgive me
I only have one son
It's me... I persuaded him to do this
Please let them get married
Falong, please...
Master Guan, please get up
I... I’m used to this
I'll forget everything after I get up
I'm lucky, every time I kneel down
They will forgive me
Falong, I'm so sorry about this
You must forgive me
You must be patient, be patient
My family is poor
I'm not a rich girl like her, and I'm not that fat too
I won't blame her
I just blame God, it's so unfair
Oh God
Hold him tight
Kiss... tighter
Tight...
OK, Cut
Now I've got you
See, his pushes his tongue out
How's that?
We've kissed umpteen times, any good?
Hey, I told you to put in some passion
Passion? He's too passionate
He pushes his tongue out
And licks...
Hey bro, I just want to get into my role
and I have to pretend you are Anita Mui
Anita Mui doesn't have a figure like mine, does she?
Well, you let her go have her own concert
So you have to be her stand-in
I'm just a production assistant
Why should I sell my beauty?
Oh, come on. Forget it
That's simple
I think you're getting lucky
Really? Getting lucky, huh?!
Some luck! Let's gather the props
This mink coat is borrowed from a shop
Handle it with great care, it costs a fortune
If this mink coat is damaged
...we can't pay for it
Can't pay for it...
You're becoming a woman
That's not funny...
Brother, be careful
This costs a fortune, you can't afford it
This costs a fortune, Tuoxian
Shit...
Maybe this is still worth a couple of dollars!
Look at this, what shall we do?
Use your brain
Nobody will sponsor you next time
Hey... there's a girl
Miss
Miss, did your car break down?
Mr., your car stops?
Miss, how can we help?
The battery is out
We have cables, we can help you to recharge
Right, let's help her recharge
Really?
Watch out, or there'll be a short circuit
What happened to this mink coat?
Sun bathing. Borrowed from a shop for shooting
It's not my fault
It's the bad luck of that shop
Do you think they will take this thing back?
Why not?
We can convince the shop
to take the coat back
Miss, the battery is recharged
Thank you, good luck
Call me next time when you need a recharge
You look horny when you meet women
Almost mess up everything
That's my character
It's still wet, what should we do?
Don't worry, let's just waggle it a few times
Let me try
Oh dear!
- Excuse me - Hi
Could I please speak to the person in charge?
Can I have your name?
I'm from the TV station
Betty, someone from the TV station wants to see you
So you're Betty
I'm Guan Dianxi, a producer from the TV station
We've borrowed two mink coats from your shop
We're keeping one for Liza Wang
and returning the other one to you now
Oh, you didn't have to bring it back in person
Thank you so much anyway
So you're Mr. Guan, right?
In fact, the reason I'm here today
is to apologize for our company
This mink coat...
It must be skin disease, that's why the hair falls
Sorry, we've dropped it into the water
That's why it looks like this
This mink coat costs thousands of dollars
and now it looks like this
Nobody will even want it for free
We didn't do this on purpose
If you really want us to pay for it
You can take a portion from my monthly salary
When I lend you the coat
I expected it might get dirty
But I never expected it to become like this
Couldn't the fur be put back?
Maybe someone would want it
Excellent. This is a treasure
Never imagined to find a mink coat like this one
Miss... please let me have this mink coat
Because my wife wants to have
a very unique mink coat
And this one is extremely unique
I have to buy it no matter how expensive it is
Sir, the fur is falling off from this coat
Do you still want it?
You're insulting the designer of this mink coat
Falling fur means free
Torn-down means romantic
The two bunches of fur here means it's genuine
And you're a person who knows nothing about mink coats
Where's your boss?
This is our boss
She?
Yes
You're beautiful, and you have taste
You have such a unique mink coat in your shop
You have only one, if I'm right
You know a lot
That's why I think you have taste
Please wrap it up
I'll pay whatever the price
I've forgotten my wallet. Alright...
please keep it for me, I'll come back later
Don't sell it to others
I'll keep it for you
Now it's sold and I don't have to compensate
I never said anything about compensation
I should say thanks to you guys
for helping my sister with her car
Hey...
You've told her everything
That's obvious
I'd rather die now
It's Mrs. Guan
Right
Let's go over
Mrs. Guan
Why are you carrying all those boxes yourself?
You can afford so many luxuries
Why don't you get a maid as well?
Forget it. Had these been luxury items
...the department store would deliver them
You don't have to take them home yourself
I bought a mink coat, just 30 thousand dollars
I'm afraid of being robbed so I'm taking it home myself
I can wear it to attend wedding banquets
I'm making braised jumbo abalone at home
You might come have a look when it's ready
You're so nice
Don't say that
I just ask you to come and have a look
Only few people have seen jumbo abalone
Open the door
Okay, coming...
You're coming back with all those boxes again
I'm back
Why bring all my clothes inside?
It's going to rain, so I brought them in
I bring...
Pick them up for me
Be careful, I still want them
I'm so tired
Bricks again. Stop pretending we're rich
People will find out the truth sooner or later
You think I enjoy this, don't you?
When I married you
I thought I would live a well off life
But I soon realized this is not the case
You've spent all my money
And I have to endure all the hardships with you
I do this because
I don't want people looking down on you
Go and make some money if you can
Right, it's all my fault
Don't forget
You were the one dying to marry me
Right, I was chasing after you
I want to keep pestering you for the rest of my life
I want you to feel guilty
To be sneered by the whole world
To be punished by God and the universe
It's too abstract, I don't understand
You're being theatrical
You really want to go up and expose her?
It'll be very embarrassing
Only she will be embarrassed
She always jeers & makes fun of us
Buying a mink coat? She can't afford it
It's getting cold
I've got you a cotton coat today
It seems used
Can you afford a new one?
I got it from my third uncle's fourth uncle's
seventh uncle
He wanted to throw this away
But it still looks new so I bring it back
Seventh uncle? Didn't he died of AIDS?
You keep it
I bought it, you idiot
Then why there's no wrapping?
They're from a street vendor
And you expect wrapping
Help me pick them up, hurry...
How come they're here so soon?
The jumbo abalone is not ready yet
We are not here to see the jumbo abalone
So you want to see the jumbo abalone
Round buns, sweet buns
It's jumbo, not dumble
Mr. Guan, you are so funny
Actually we aren't here for the jumbo abalone
We came by to see the mink coat
They're here to see the mink coat
Then bring out the mink coat
Why it's empty?
The boxes seemed heavy when you're carrying them
How did they become so light?
Maybe there are only bricks inside
In fact...
Mom, this is the mink coat
Only 30 thousand dollars, what a bargain
Sure
I buy several mink coats every year
The shop would give me a discount for sure
But some people can't even get to touch one
You two are lucky
You just touched my boxes
Even the boxes are expensive, one hundred dollars each
Well, those who never touch such valuable items
will be overwhelmed for sure
Mrs. Guan, please put it on
and let us broaden our view
Sure. One should be humble
so you will live longer
Son, help me put on the coat
and let them have a look
See, I look slim when I'm wearing this coat
Wow... that's beautiful
Take a good look at it
What's the matter?
What are you doing?
What's the matter?
What's wrong with you?
This is "Back-rubbing dance"
Bull shit
Are you crazy?
How come I feel itchy on my back?
I see, this coat is for Liza Wang
This must be from the wardrobe
Yes, this is Liza Wang's mink coat
But my mom bought it back from Liza Wang
last year at a charity ball
My mom made a donation but don't want others know
So she said she bought this coat
Isn't my mom great?
Zhu, I thought you're wasting my money
Now I know you have such a kind heart
I've misunderstood you
I have insulted you
I feel very very sorry
You can yell at me, you can beat me up
Harder, it doesn't matter
Mrs. Guan, we're so sorry
We misunderstood you
It's all your fault, you insist to expose her
and you expose shit
Mrs. Guan, you're such a kind hearted person
God will bless you and your family
and bring good fortune to you
Let's go...
I'm sorry
It's over now, let's have dinner
See, how can I leave
such a supportive husband like you?
And I have such a filial son
I feel happy even though I am not rich
Dad, your acting skill is getting better
Maybe you should take up some guest roles later
I do this for your mom all the time
I'll get an Oscar sooner or later
Mom, don't do this again
Your mom loves to boast, that's her character
Sorry, I've just come out from a meeting
It's okay for production people to be late
If an actor was late...
he would lose his job tomorrow
It depends on who the person is
If you were that actor, I wouldn't do that
So how may I help? Must be bad news
You're such a smart beauty
If you were an actor, you would be the most popular
Cut the crap
My sister is waiting in the studio
Well, our TV station
is going to have a superwife competition
I want you to sponsor
some mink coats
You dare ask me to be your sponsor again?
What's wrong?
Well, since you bring this up
Then I'll tell you the truth
Hurry, time's up
Coming... I’m dead tired
Why do so many aspire to be an actor?
Hey, let them in
Yes
You go to act with those newbies
Why me again?
Last time I was the stand-in...
Don't bring it up again
The problem isn't solved yet
Director
Over there
Who's the director, please?
What do you want?
I'm here for the screen test
Sorry, please wait a minute
My name is Mei Chuhong
I've received many awards, see, plenty of them
I've joined many contests
Such as ballet dancing contest
Singing contest
Piano contest
And I'm a top swimmer
This is called the breast stroke, my best
Take her to do the screen test now
Let her keep swimming for a while
I'm finished
This is your dialogue
Thank you
Let's go
Director...
Should I face the camera?
Yes
Yes... you have to
Director, please give me a start signal
Okay, start
Ladies and gentlemen
Hi... tonight I want to introduce to you all
a very famous drama
It's called the Fisherman...
Fisherman Killer
Director, why a fisherman kills the chicken?
It's called Fisherman Killer
Oh, this sounds strange
Nothing strange, you just say it again
Buy why a fisherman
is also a killer?
He's so cruel
Okay, stop it
Do the prisoner act now
Thank you
Come here...
Now you're a prisoner
I'm your lover and coming to visit you
You should look miserable
Okay
Ready?
I'm ready
You are ready
Action
I know... you don't love a person
like me
I'm biologically prepared
No, I mean... psychologically
I mean psychologically prepared
Should I start all over again?
No. I am going to study abroad
I trusted you with my virginity
You're heartless
And leave me behind the bars
I will tell the warden about this
Okay...
Director, my acting is very good, isn't it?
Go home now, we'll send you a letter
Sure, bye bye
Please kill me now...
Oh, I almost forgot
Is the haunted house set ready yet?
It's ready. That janitor is very nice
He said we can go there any time we want
Do you want a vacation there?
Guan Dianxi, the producer is looking for you
He wants to see you, go now
Next
Did you ask for me, sir?
Do you know how much is this bag?
I don't
Of course you don't. It's several thousand dollars
You can't afford such a luxury item
So what?
So what? You can't even afford this leather bag
How dare you damage a thirty-thousand-dollar mink coat
I see, someone is here to make a complaint
I'm not here to make a complaint
Not a complaint but the facts
I don't mind you damaged the coat, but you lied
Don't you know that lying
is immoral and dirty?
What kind of penalty should he get?
Let him get some copying punishment
Good idea
What should he copy?
Copy "I am a dirty scoundrel,
I'll never lie again" a thousand times
That's fantastic
Do it now
Not him, I mean you
Why?
Why? That bag is a fake
Just one look says it's from a street vendor
You're a liar, a hypocrite
Excuse me
No, not me
Sister
You know, he's teasing me
Tuoxian, they've offered us great help
and you're teasing her
Oh, just kiddin' around
Do you do this all the time?
My name is Shang Tuoxian
No time for jokes, you better offer some help
Betty is looking for a place to do a photo shoot
for a magazine cover, you've something in mind?
Piece of cake
Dianxi, phone call
Coming... you have a chat
Go now...
Thanks
What kind of place you are looking for?
Something special, a villa, to do a photo shoot
You've found the right guy
Dianxi has a villa
Really?
He's rich, is it?
His grandpa is a real estate tycoon
He works here just for fun
You should ask him
Falong...
Falong
It's you
I thought I would never see you again
This is destiny, we had to see each other again
Look at you, your hair turns all white
My son said white hair is popular now
So I sort of greyed my hair
I see. How many kids do you have?
Well, just one
I thought fat women bear many kids
Anyway, you married her
You should not complain
Shizhu is coming
C'mon, let's get inside
Qimen
Qimen...
It's such fun to see her getting angry
She will slap your head with her slipper
When she got angry, she used to slap me
with her slipper, remember that?
You always quarreled with her
Right, I used to quarrel with her
While rubbing your head at the same time
If fact it didn't hurt, I was used to it
So you were pretending
I just wanted to seek your attention
Who asked you look so nervous!
Oh... no...
Crazy old man
We're old people now
Let's stop talking about the past
So how are you doing now?
I heard you'd married a rich guy
He died two years ago
That's great
How many kids do you have?
I...
I have to get off now
How can I contact you?
Madam, you're back
Close the door
Any phone calls for me today?
No
The girls are not at home, right?
Happy Birthday To You
Happy Birthday To You, Mother
Happy Birthday To You
Happy birthday
What are you two doing?
Mom, today is your birthday
Yes, according to the western calendar
Just the two of us celebrate it with you
Let's have a banquet next month for the lunar birthday
Right
I almost forget my birthday
You two are good girls
How do you want to celebrate?
Tell us
I don't want to have a banquet this year
Invite some old friends for dinner should be fine
Just a casual dinner party
Sis, you don't have to spend a fortune
Mom is saving your money
Right, so let me buy a luxurious gift
for you
Good
I've bought you the piles ointment you asked for
It's in that bag
Thanks, madam
Why you want this ointment?
Not me, it's for my husband
Oh, this is just skin cream
Qimen, my skin feels tight
Apply more cream. It would be fine
It smells funny
Don't be silly
Only the genuine stuff smells funny
Fermented bean curd stinks too
But it tastes good
You can put this on your face and eat it too
It makes your body smooth, not just your face
How should I eat it?
Scoop it up and put it in your mouth
Oh
It tastes funny
Are you sure I can eat this?
Let me look up the usage booklet
You won't understand, let me have a look
No need
Give it to me
Forget it
Piles ointment
It's that Falong!
You two do this together to make fun of me
I'm not sure if she took my bag
Or I took her bag
I thought she'd have killed herself already
Stop cursing her
Her husband died, it's very unfortunate
Unfortunate? It's good for you
You can marry her now
So I can torture her to death
It's beautiful
You put me into shit now
Why?
If she found out this villa was not mine
...wouldn't I lose face?
Well, I don't know your families
And it is rented by our company
It's okay to take a look around
She wants to take cover photos, don't you know?
Then tell her your villa is undergoing renovation
You're really stupid
This villa is quite interesting
I'm sure the photos will be unique
Yes
I hope so
Bobo, it's even better upstairs
Come... let me show you around
You come here often?
Oh, with girls?
Nonsense
It's quiet here, Dianxi and I often come here
to write screenplays, come...
It's very spacious outside
Yes... let me show you around
Where's all your family?
They don't live here, this is our vacation house
Is that so? We have a vacation house too
It's on an outlying island, you should come some time
Great. Do you live with your father?
My father passed away a long time ago
I'm sorry
It's okay, mom loves us very much
She always says it's important to be honest
And don't pretend to be what you're not
She appreciates people like you...
who depend on their own abilities
Really? I appreciate myself too
How come all the plants have withered?
Nobody takes care of them?
Movie locations are all like this
What?
Oh, I mean he always lends out this place for shootings
It's out of shape because he doesn't take care of it
Let's help him water the plants
Okay
Let's go
Your sister is pretty outgoing
She only knows how to have fun
Mom is going to send her away to study
You are lucky to have a nice mom
Your mom doesn't care about you?
My mom loves to...
break traditions and gives us space to develop
To do whatever we want to do
How come there's no water?
No water? Impossible
No water? Impossible...
Oh, my camera
What's the matter?
My camera is in the water
Come on
Sorry. Thank you very much
So... rry, it's... freezing, I haven't got it
Doesn't matter
I'm sorry, don't catch a cold
Here, take this
Even if I froze to death it's worth it
Thank you
Do you have a camera?
Yes
Wait
"The Guan Clansfolk Association"
Hurry up
Shizhu, long time no see, how are you?
Which floor?
The Guan banquet
Third floor
Wait, wait
I'm sorry
7th Auntie, I'm Shizhu
Shizhu
This is my husband Qimen
Qimen
I'm Falong
Falong, it's you. Long time no see
I didn't see you at...
our annual clan banquet
Guessed you might have immigrated perhaps
I've lost contact with you
If Qimen didn't tell me about this
I would not see you again tonight
So you two still keep in contact
Girls, we're not young anymore
Just listen to your auntie
Let the bygones be bygone
Qimen, don't you think so?
The Guan banquet
Here we are
You can't hide it from your auntie
Falong and Shizhu, the two of them
always picking a fight with each other
You should solve this
Auntie, how can I solve this
One of them is a dog and the other is a cat
Both of them will tear me apart
Then let me be the peacemaker
My hands are itching
Falong, it's still early, let's play mahjong
Not enough people
That's not a problem
Shizhu, you, me, and we have only to find one more
Maybe she doesn't want to play
I will definitely play no matter what
I don't have any hobby
Playing mahjong with young people is my only favorite
I'm not very good at playing mahjong
Then don't play, or you'll lose all your money
I won't lose all my money
One Circle
Everyone is in harmony
Forty Thousand
All in the same pattern
Nine Stripes
You're lying
Eight Circles
Do you want it? Thirty Thousand
Pong
Just having some solitary fun
What are you doing here?
My hands are itching, I want to play
I've said I'll never play mahjong again
When I give it a slap, it doesn't want to play
Don't play, don't play...
Nuts
No, you can't discard this
One Stripe
We three are winners
No need to be so excited, it's only a game
You're so troublesome
Whatever you discard, you are losing
So why keep choosing the tiles?
Why discard it if you knew she wants this tile?
I like to do it, so what?
The models are good
Of course. Otherwise
they can't wear your beautiful mink coats
Thanks for your help
I'm sure this show will be a great success
It's because you've offered great help
That's nothing
Oh, where is the show held?
It's in Dianxi's villa
What? He has a villa?
Don't you know? Its very beautiful
If he had a villa then everyone in this world is rich
He still owes me two hundred dollars
He's really smart. You do believe him, don't you?
He won't lie to me
You're so naive
Okay
Dianxi...
Yeah, who's it?
Producer Tsang
Have you lent a villa to someone to do a show?
Right, how do you know that?
Isn't that the one we rented for shooting?
It costs two thousand dollars a day
Right
It's exclusively for our use, how can you lend it?
I just want to...
Producer, don't worry
Dianxi wants it to flirt with girls
I won't lend him the house
I've turned him down
He has even asked that girl out for dinner tonight
Dianxi, you'll hurt the girl...
if she find out the truth
I...
How would she know?
If you don't tell and I don't tell
Dianxi won't tell either
Then she will never know, right?
Producer...
It's over now
What's mom doing here?
Probably having a seizure
You're cursing me
Dressed up for a banquet, is it?
I have a date. Dad, see you
See you, mom
Hey, what's that girl look like?
You always call me stupid
But I overheard him on the phone
He's seeing that girl at the Stanley Cafe
You should go and take a look
Stanley Cafe
Thank you
Guan Dianxi
Hi, Tom
Long time no see. You never come to reunion parties
How are you doing?
Fine
Hey, I hear you've been seeing a showgirl
Is that true?
Yes, she's over there
She's pregnant, we're getting married
I've brought her to speak to my mom today
And yes, she's dying to get into showbiz
You could recommend her perhaps
I want her to do something dignified
Okay
Come here, let me introduce you
No, don't
Come here, come
Come over...
You are back finally
What's he doing here?
He's my schoolmate Dianxi
A TV producer
If you want to be an actress, talk to him
Sorry, have to go back
I want to make a phone call. Sit
So you're a TV producer
Which TV station are you with?
Tri-color station
Director, I like acting very much
Please give me a chance
Do you really want to get into acting?
There's a best role for you
Really? What's that?
Enchanted ghost
You're awful
You've promised. Let's cross fingers
Don't lie to me
Please let me know when the shooting starts
Don't worry, I'll let you know
Then you should jot down my phone number
My phone number is...
Sorry, I have to go to toilet first
I'll note it down when I come back. Okay?
Hey
My son has such bad taste
and goes for a girl like you
You're not bad too
Sure. How long have you been with my son?
More than two years
Such a long time
We've been living together for more than a year
He's been living with a woman
and I don't know about it
It's because you don't care about your son
Maybe you're right. I seldom talk to him
He loves to fool around with women
Now he's fooling around with you. You're lucky
What's so lucky about me?
He told me he had AIDS
and asked me to give him money for treatment
I don't have any money. Maybe you can help him
Scared? Go get a check up
If I were you, I would leave him immediately
So the next generation won't get the virus
Go now, be a good girl
So what you really want is...
to make me leave your son, right?
Fat pig
I've already used such schemes
Want me to leave him? Forget it
You go to hell
Bitch, don't you dare yell at me
Which club are you working at?
Who is your boss?
Talking of old times,
when I was working at MGM club
You were not born yet
Now you are so lucky
you can work in Singapore club
And don't have to work in a sleazy bar
Or become a hooker. You're really lucky
You pregnant? Don't lie to me
What are you doing? Let go
I feel really upset
Let go of me
- You shameless - Mom
I want to teach you a lesson
Mom... let go
- Let go - Mom
Ling, what happened?
Your mom wants to have a fight with me
So let's have a fight with her
You think I'm afraid of her, don't you?
You fat pig, come here
What has my wife done to you?
She's not your mom
She's my mom, let's cool down and talk
Dianxi, she is your girlfriend, isn't she?
No, she's not here yet
I'm sorry... you're a respectful girl
I'm a pig...
Mom, forget it, let's go
Mom, why are you doing this?
I'm eager to see your girlfriend
You've messed up everything
How come she's not here yet?
The one who should be here isn't; instead, you are!
Excuse me, bill please
You don't want to wait for her?
You keep waiting here
Son
Betty...
You're putting on airs, or throwing tantrums
I've been waiting for you in the cafe for two hours
I'm pretty calm and instead you're putting on airs
We're just casual friends
We don't have to be honest to each other
Don't have to be responsible to each other
What do you mean?
Think about the villa and you'll know
My villa?
Betty, there's something you don't understand
Right, I won't understand
I won't understand till I die
I...
What do you want?
Nothing. At least have a good memory before breakup
Hop in
My heart, full of love, is broken quietly
Leaving the forbidden zone of love
My heart wanders into a hopeless slumber
Coz I don't want to think about you all the time
Come on out
What are you doing?
I'm taking you to my private villa
You still keep boasting?
I'm not boasting
Not only you rich people have villas
We poor people also have villas
These are our villas
They are not cheap ones either
Your villas have gardens
We have a garden here
You have gardeners
We have workers from the housing department
You have dinning rooms
We have restaurants and cafes
You have big kitchens and fridges
We have even more
There are 7-11s and supermarkets
We have everything we want
Just have to pay
I'm no good
But I am willing to admit my fault
Yes, that villa is used for shootings
We're scoundrels, we're shit
Pretending we're from rich families
Thank you for believing in me
Now you know everything
It's better you find it out before you die
Hey, won't you take me to see your villa?
Dianxi
Hey, mister...
Please ask the man next to you to get off
I want to talk to him
Him?
Yes
Mister, that lady wants to talk to you
No response
You ignore me, huh? Let me play a trick on you
Dianxi, I'm wrong
Please forgive me, I know it's my fault
Let's talk about it
Dianxi, I'm wrong
Please forgive me, I know it's my fault
Let's talk about it
You can ignore me, but not the little one
I am having your baby
You can ignore me, but not the little one
I... I am having your baby
If you don't want it
I won't blame you, I'll have an abortion
If you don't want it
I won't blame you
I'll have an abortion
If you still have heart
please get off
That's right. If you still have heart
please, please get off
Stop
Save it for baby's milk
Thank you everyone... thank you
Let's go
Happy birthday...
Mother... cut the cake
Wait...
Auntie, this is from me and Tuoxian
Yes
Right
So nice of you!
Just a small present
I know
You're bribing me, right?
Auntie, you're exceedingly charming
Mother, don't listen to their sweet talk
Oh, come on!
Come on... cut the cake
Madam, a guest is here
Must be Fatty
Auntie, happy birthday
Why are you so late?
I'm busy, there are so many cases to handle
That's why I'm late
That's alright. Come on in
Betty, who's that guy?
He's my cousin Killer Song
Killer Xiong, the one whose ear was bitten away
last year in a prison riot
That's his elder brother
Bobo
Your cousin is here
Cousin
Hi
Hi, Betty
Hi, Bobo
Cousin
I'm Shang Tuoxian, how are you?
They are both our friends
Both are TV producers
I'm Guan Dianxi
You're from outer space
No
But you look like ET
Auntie, a small present for you
Oh, you shouldn't have spent so much
It's nothing
Thank you
Go get yourself something to eat
Auntie, it's too quiet to have only a few guests here
You alone have created so much excitement
Right
Madam, a guest is here
You all go and get something to eat first
Okay
Come... let's eat
Falong, happy birthday and good health
Thank you
I thought you wouldn't come today
How come? In fact I remember your birthday
all the time. But I've never met you again
Now I've met you again so I am here now
My daughters wanted to throw a big party
for me today out somewhere
But I don't want a big party this year
I wished to spend time with some old friends
I think it's better this way, isn't it?
Your daughters are very sweet
There are two important things in our lives
The affection for family and our health
Oh, how's your son?
He thinks home means hotel
But we can get along anyway
Come here with him some time
I don't think I can go to your place
It's getting late. Aren't you a bit panicky?
No, I can stay as late as I want
Let me teach you two a lesson
Just got this from the office
You two will know how powerful it is
Soon you will be dead fish
Cousin Song, we're looking for you
Don't you have enough fun?
You are not angry, are you?
Tuoxian has over done it
You want me to forget it. Okay
Have a drink with me then
Okay, let me drink this and apologize for him
Okay
Come
The taste is strange
Where's Tuoxian?
I'm going to look for him, okay?
I'm waiting here, hurry up
Hurry...
Falling... into... my... trap
Come and meet my daughters
Auntie
This is Song, my nephew
This is Uncle Guan
Uncle Guan, you really look like...
Thank you, let me drink up first
What're you doing?
Come here... you all come here
Mother, what's the matter?
This is my elder daughter Betty
This is my younger daughter Bobo
This is Uncle Guan
We've been good friends for decades
Uncle Guan
Bobo, such a beauty
He loves to make fun
Falong, if she were our daughter
she would not be a beauty
What are you talking about? You're drunk
Uncle, it seems that you're very drunk
What is this thing?
He's not a thing, he's Bobo's boyfriend
You're a Casanova
Mother, what's wrong with him?
He's drunk, let's take him home
What's wrong with him?
Wait, where are you going?
I'm going to a party
I want to go too
You look familiar
You too
What's your name?
You tell me first
My last name is Guan
Me too
We're a family, let's be brothers
Dear big brother
Brother
Let's dance
It's quite crowded today
Today is a holiday, you know
So we seldom come to our villa
Mother is preparing some dishes at the villa
Your mom is so nice. This is our first visit
and we're bothering your mom
Dianxi, let's invite them to our place next time
I'll make some good food for them
My mom is rarely so generous
She really likes you two
Thank you
You all can level up after having that sumptuous feast
I hope uncle is not busy at that time
He's always busy doing nothing
We're going to their place for the first time
We should bring a gift
Auntie, don't do this
Oh... I have to buy one too
Then let's go together
Okay
I am going with you
Sis, you go home with Dianxi first
Mom is awaiting us
That's fine. Auntie, see you later
Bye
You're amazing
You are still a good cook, great
I often cook at home
No wonder Shizhu is so fat
How many people are coming...
do we have enough food?
Only her boyfriend's mom
His father died already?
No, his father is busy today
No time for meeting relatives?
He'd better died
Oh, you've made a mess
Go get some clothes and change
Come in
Mother
Auntie
Mother
Only you two? Where are the others?
Mom said she's going to buy you a gift
Bobo and Tuoxian went with her
So nice of her. We've everything here though
You both go and enjoy yourselves
Okay, come here
This house is beautiful, it can be used for shooting
All you think about is shootings
Okay, let's forget that
Come on, let's go upstairs
Okay
Do you want something to eat now?
No, thanks, auntie
No, I'm taking him upstairs
Come on, let me show you the study
Okay
Here we are
Wait, I have to get something
Okay
Didn't you go to get something?
Why are you standing here?
That drunk you had a bash with the other day is here
Just saw him coming out from the guest room in pajamas
I don't know what he is doing here?
Come
Hey, come on out
There! Piece of cake
Oh, he's my dad
Are you okay?
How come you're here?
Why am I here?
Could you see if I am bleeding?
This drunkard, oh no...
Oh, so he's your dad!
Uncle, I'm sorry, it's a mistake
She looks familiar
Right, at mother's birthday party
You were drunk and you even danced with Dianxi
Dianxi
Danced with my dad!
She's your rich girlfriend?
Yes
Oh dear, what kind of karma it is!
Uncle, what's wrong?
Your mom and I...
Forget it
Now you two
Dad
Did you and her mom...
She is not my sister, is she?
Reckon you've watched too much TV... stupid
This is not a drama series
That's better
This is really scary
It's a long story
Your mom and I were highschool sweethearts
Thought we were going to get married
But your fat mom snatched me away
Of course your mom was very upset
And they became enemies since then
Now you two are falling in love
They won't give you their blessings
Uncle, it doesn't matter
It's the eighties now
We are free to marry the person we love
I used to say the same in 1950s
But it was no use
Are you here with your mom?
Yeah
Hey, where are you guys?
Shit, your mom is here
Don't let her know I'm his father
Big brother
Good brother
What are they doing here?
Mother, they said they've missed each other
since last time. Now they meet again
And they want to take a vow and be blood brothers
I can't believe this
Me too
I'll go downstairs with him to take a fraternal vow
A bunch of crazies
Your clothes are ready
Fine, we're going downstairs to take a vow now
I'll be the witness
Take a vow...
Wait for me
Let's go
Nuts
Your mom can't meet her mom
Her mom can't meet your mom
Sure...
Here they are
Get into the kitchen
Hey, anybody home?
You are back
Auntie
Where's mother?
This is a nice place
Where's Dianxi?
Mom
You're here
What took you so long?
It takes time to pick the right gifts
Dad just called, he's having stomachache at home
Let's go home
What a coincidence
Yeah, let's go
You just arrived
Stomachache is nothing serious
I'll tell him what pills he should take
Just mind your own business
Come and meet mother first
Mother
Let's go... mom
Let me go to the toilet before we leave
It takes hours before we get home. Where's the toilet?
Let me show you
Shit
Over here...
What's the matter?
Mother
Auntie
Dianxi's mom is here
Where's she now?
Just went to the toilet
Auntie, a small gift for you
You're so kind, I have everything here
Where is Dianxi and that Uncle Guan?
Where do they take their vows?
That drunk is here too
Shut up
Shit... auntie...
Uncle Guan has burnt his face
So careless
Let's get him to the hospital
Mom, go get your car now
Okay, I'm getting the car
Don't, let's call an ambulance
You're such a pain. Just shut up
Be careful
Oh dear, the engine is down
Let me get down and push
Auntie, are you in a hurry?
Yes
Get into her mom's car, she'll take you to the pier
Right
Your mom goes out again?
How come I never get to meet her?
Let's go...
No...
You have to push hard
Dianxi, wait
It's okay
Wait
It's hurts
I'm even worse
Qimen, get into the car
Coming
Get into the car now
Get into the car
Mother, take auntie to the pier too
What? She's your mom?
Right, isn't she good?
She is your mom?
Yeah
Guan Qimen, why are you here?
A world war starts
Hey, you tell me now
How long have you been here with that slut?
Stop calling me a slut
We have done nothing
I'll take you to court if you keep saying this
Done nothing? He's wearing pajamas here
And you say you've done nothing
Stop this, our kids are here
I haven't betrayed you anyway
Mom, I don't care what happened in the past
Betty and I are good friends
We hope you can make peace with each other
Anyone can be your girlfriend
But she can't
Nonsense, it's your son who chases after her
My daughter can marry anyone but him
You're raising hell without a reason
I don't know what happened
You are free to choose your boyfriend
But this is my enemy's son
I don't want you to see him anymore
Uncle, auntie, it's like
you're in a TV soap opera
We've made a lot of this stuff
and the ending is always unhappy
This is a cliché, stop it
No. Happy ending is very popular nowadays
Shut your mouth up
We're leaving
Stay here for a night, okay?
What? You stay here with her, I'm leaving
Auntie, it's raining heavily outside
The car has broken down, you can't go without it
Please stay for the night. Let's have dinner first
Right...
Auntie, let's have dinner first
Yes, let's talk after dinner
This tastes great
I don't want to eat
How dare you
I beat you little devil
I beat you up so you can't eat
I beat you little devil
I beat you up so you can't breathe
I beat you up Li Falong
So you'll be a crazy slut
I beat you up little devil
I beat you...
You bastard
Don't you know how to drive a car?
Mother, I want to talk to you
Please don't get angry
I met Dianxi today
Only today?
Mother, don't be like this
Let me tell you the truth
Dianxi's mom has terminal illness
Really?
What? We can talk inside the house
It's dark and cold outside
She's ashamed to meet me?
My mom admits she's wrong
It's dark outside
It's easier for her to apologize
Right, mother
She feels sorry now, so forgive her
Now she's old
Do you want her to say sorry in front of you?
Yeah
You're not hurt, so you don't feel the pain
But now you do feel a little pain
That's why you're so anxious, am I right?
My mom is here
Mother, you go out alone
It'd be embarrassing
if we all go too
Right, mother
Auntie
Go, mother
Shizhu
Don't come over here
Shizhu
I don't want you to get infected
Have you got fleas?
You come to see me or come to cry?
I'm going to die soon
How come your voice is different?
Because I'm seriously ill
Too serious my voice changes
Illness? What kind of illness?
I have breast cancer
I don't know why I have cancer
This is too unfortunate
But you have such a big target
I'm really sorry for what I did to you
I snatched Qimen away from you
But life with him is tough too
In fact you two were a perfect couple
Falong, you're intelligent
and sophisticated. I'm just a fat woman
Sometimes when I look at the mirror
I really look like a pig
You don't have to look down on yourself
Fat people in fact have many blessings
Falong, I know you'll never forgive me
But Dianxi and Betty are innocent
They are a perfect couple
I want to give them my blessings, how about you?
I should give them my blessings too
If I don't, I'm not even human
That's good
Oh, Tuoxian and Bobo...
Tuoxian and Bobo...
They are innocent too
Tuoxian is a great guy
Hard working and well behaved
He and Bobo are a perfect couple
You should not separate them too
It's up to her, she's a grown up now
When I'm looking at you now
I stop being stubborn
That's good. I have to go now
Shizhu, we're still sisters
Now you're dying
Tell me if you have any last wishes
No, I don't have any
Don't you have any unfulfilled wishes?
They're all fulfilled
Just tell me your any unfulfilled wish
Okay, after I die...
please find a good grave and bury me
And let the young ones lead a smooth life
Then I'll rest in peace
No problem, I will do that for you
I'll find a good grave for you
You can go in peace
Now we are a family
Come to see me if you have time
Let's meet as often as we can
You may go in peace
Add water... water
Stir it now...
So stupid, let me do it
You two never cook
such a big dinner even on my birthday
Say something nice to her when she arrives
Remember?
She deserves it. If not for her stomach cancer
I won't take care of her
She used to curse me a lot. Now you see,
she's getting paid for her unkind heart
Mom, she's now coming to apologize
You should forgive her
And she won't live long
So please be nice to her
Though she's rich
but we have a happy family
Mom, taste the soup
Give me that plate. Watch out, it's hot
Stupid, you scalded me
It's all your fault
Coming...
Hi
Auntie, come in... take a seat
Take a seat, make yourself at home
Please sit down
The meal will be ready soon...
Give it to me
Careful, it's hot
Where's Shizhu?
She's sleeping
Not feeling very well
She seems quite happy recently
Maybe she doesn't want us to worry about her
So pitiful!
I've brought you two turtles
It's good for cancer. Let her have some turtle soup
Bobo, where are the turtles?
They're here
Bring them to the kitchen
Sit down
Shizhu, Falong is here
How do you feel? Painful?
It's all his fault, he makes me...
You're not young anymore
This is too much
Let's have dinner
Let's have dinner...
Sit down...
These are all vegetable dishes
We usually prepare meat
But I think this is good for you
You don't have to do this
It's better to eat something light now
I've got you some ginseng, it's good for you
Betty
Auntie, this is for you
Then I should accept it
Falong, you're very fortunate
You have two nice daughters
Too bad you won't see them getting married
She's afraid she won't see them getting married
Right, the two mothers are getting along now
And we are happy about this
Let's plan their wedding as soon as possible
And later it'd be Bobo and I
Who's going to marry you?
Great, now everything is going fine
Let's pick an auspicious day for their wedding
Don't delay, the sooner the better
Shizhu, it will bring luck to you
You're right, stay as long as you can
Since your look hasn't changed yet
No, this thing is unpredictable
But you don't have to worry
I'm well prepared for this now
Me too. Qimen will help too
This is important, he will help out for sure
Enough, you are making me nervous now
Right, auntie, mom, let's have dinner
Let's eat...
I've found you a place
What place?
Auntie, sorry
So careless, now I get rice all over my face
Come on...
Auntie, let me help you
Let me tell you the truth
When we're coming here
She said now she's dying
And she can't take the money with her
So she's going to buy you a house
Really?
Yes
Buy mom a grave? What's Tuoxian doing here?
What has Tuoxian to do with this?
He's been there for a while, wonder what he's doing?
Okay, let's eat, let's eat
Falong, you are so kind
It's nothing, I can do it
You can have peace of mind
And I can stop worrying
The fengshui is good, and it's brand new
New one? In fact I like old ones
I love the pre-war stuff
It's very spacious you can roll on the floor
Old ones stink
Use some air freshener and it should be okay
Auntie, your taste is so strange
Not strange. Oh, does it have lots of windows?
I love bright ambiance
She's getting crazy
Is that so?
Do you want me to renovate it?
No, that's fine. Is the transport convenient?
It's quite far away
But we'll come to see you in spring and autumn
Only twice a year?
We are a family
But probably you might not be around anymore
That's true. Probably we'd have
immigrated by then
Must be crazy, treating 'passing away' as immigration
And yes, is the management fee expensive?
You don't have to worry about this
I have paid it all for you
You don't have to pay anymore
Falong, you're so nice to me
I blamed you wrongly, please forgive me
Shizhu, don't get too emotional
Did I hurt you?
It's the table corner
When shall we go and have a look?
Any time you want
The hole is already there
The hole? It's not built yet?
Don't have to build anything, you just lay down in it
The Fengshui master said it's a good piece of land
Your remains can be picked 3 years later
Bullshit, you pick your own remains
Your cancer must make you crazy
Bullshit, your cancer has made you crazy
I am being so nice and have found you a good grave
and you are cursing me
Buy me a grave, you're so vicious!
Qimen, throw them all out
Thank you...
I'm getting rich
Is it on fire?
You're crazy
You're crazy, I just had a dream
Guanyin asked me to buy a Mark Six lottery ticket
Said I would win the first prize. The numbers are
23, 26...
Did Guanyin tell you to get more sleep
So you can talk to her in your dream?
You drive me crazy
What are the six numbers she told you?
23, 26, 30, 32, 35, 41
I'll get it for you tomorrow morning
Hello, this is the 1997th Mark Six lottery draw
All the six numbers and the extra number
are drawn already
Now let me repeat them once
The six drawn numbers and the extra number are:
Okay, done. Uncle Dong, thank you.
Thank you so much, Uncle Dong
Hey... Tuoxian
Why do you want me to do this?
Don't tell anyone about this
I've bought a Mark Six ticket
for my future mother-in-law
Tomorrow is her birthday, I want her to be happy
So I'm just kidding around with her
Mom, time for the Mark Six draw
Coming...
Hurry up
The 1st prize of the 1997th draw is a big one
Now everyone must be very anxious
to find out which six numbers are drawn
Okay, the first number is coming
Please pay attention
The first number today is
23 has been quite favored recently
Many people have it
Now is the second number
The second number is
30, it's a large number
Large numbers are popular, isn't it?
Now let's look at the third number
It's still a large number, 35
Large numbers really seem to be hot
Now it's the fourth number
What will the fourth number be?
Please pay attention
What is the fourth number?
32...
Now it's the fifth number
The fifth number now
41...
The fifth number is
Large numbers really seem to be hot
Okay, here goes the last number
26...
The sixth number is...
26...
Now the sixth number is
Number 26
I win
We've won Mark Six
We're rich now
Mom, let go...
I've won
I'm going to die
I'm very happy
Mom, you've broken the table
Doesn't matter, get a new one
Mom, dad is out of breath
Doesn't matter, I'll have a new one
Let's throw all the furniture away
I want to buy a new house
Any gasoline? Let me burn this house
Mom...
Let go of me...
Please take a look
Do you like this one?
It's pretty, mother, choose what you like
Take this one
Let's go to another shop
I like buying here. If others can come here
Why can't I?
Bring out the most expensive gold chains
for me to have a look
They're very expensive
It takes a long time to spend the $20 million prize
So I have to spend it this way
Auntie, when will you buy a new house?
Shut up
Let's go to other shop. They're jealous
Hey...
Let's go
Shizhu... what are you doing? Shizhu
What happened?
Shizhu is kidnapped
What? Auntie is kidnapped
I think we should go to the police
You worry those kidnappers would kill her
Falong, they only ask for a $500,000 ransom
Please give me the money first
I'll give it back to you later, with interest
It's all mom's fault
She tells everyone about winning big money
I'm not surprised. She's out of her head
And she just can't keep her mouth shut
Mother, please help them
Falong, I know you hate Shizhu
She's cheap, she's no good
But she's my wife too
How can I ignore her?
Please help her, I beg you
We're not young anymore
If something happened to her
I would be lonely for the rest of my life
Do you want me to cook my own dinner?
Mother, please help Uncle Guan
It's none of your business
"Studio. No trespassing"
Falong, be careful
Auntie, let me go with you
No
The kidnappers want her to go alone
You shouldn't go together
Okay, I can handle this, I'm fine
Auntie, please be careful
Hurry up...
Shizhu...
Where are you?
Shizhu...
It's me, Shizhu
Shizhu
How come you've fallen asleep? Wake up
Falong, untie me, hurry
You haven't paid the ransom yet
I've brought the money here
You should let her go now
I'm not stupid. You'll go to the police
Stop pulling, it's no use
Only waste your energy
But I have to give it a try
We can't just wait here forever
I'm trapped here
all because of you
I want to die with company
I like to move
Stop it
I don't want to listen to you
I like to move
Stop it
I like to move
I'm scared
It scared me
I don't know how to swim
It's you who wants to move. Go ahead
Why don't you move? Let's die together
Isn't it a good idea?
I'm sorry. This is not intentional
I just meant to scare you, but...
Shizhu, are you alright?
Falong, I'm scared
I'm scared to death. I want your place
You think we're in a revolving cafe?
Falong, this time it seems I've involved you
You can punch me...
We've been hating each other for decades
Now we're going to die, let's make peace
Falong, we're fighting because of a stupid man
Now I realize it's not worth it
He doesn't even come to our rescue now
I'll make him pay even after I die
Right, let's strangle him to death
They're not here
Where could they be?
How come?
Take a look over there
Look
Where's the wheel going?
What should we do now?
Let's split and search, okay?
Okay...
Let's go that way
Hurry...
Help...
Shizhu
Falong, are you okay?
Where's Shizhu?
In the front
Shizhu
Shizhu, it's all my fault
I've put you into such a horrible situation
Shizhu, let's ignore him
You scoundrel plan all this to trap us
Now cut the crap
Save Falong now
Falong, don't blame me
It's for the good of you two
No need to explain
Don't be afraid, I'm coming to your help now
Qimen, are you alright?
I'm a sinner, the heaven is punishing me
I have to pay for what I did
Qimen, after I die...
Nobody will wash your underwear
Don't worry about him
He can wear disposable ones
Just throw them away after wearing
Qimen, please find some help
There's nobody around, just a snake
Help...
Shizhu, what happened?
Don't move so violently
I'm going to collapse
Shizhu, what are you doing?
Well, did you find them?
No
What should we do?
Take a look over there
Okay
Ignore him
Okay
Mother
I'm scared
Yes...
Help...
Don't be scared
I'm here holding the wheel
Qimen
Before you die, tell me the truth
Which one of us do you really love?
Right, tell us
I...
Tell us
We're all dying now
Why don't you just tell the truth?
Right, tell us now
Tell us
I love both of you
No, you have to choose one only
Yes
Okay, I choose Falong, she's so gentle
You go to hell
Shizhu, I can't live without you
I want to go with you together
Don't stop me...
If you die then I have no one to scold
Dear, you're still alive
Falong, are you alright?
I'm okay. It's because you held the wheel
Or else it'd have been awful!
Great, we have a happy ending
Auntie, our apologies
For having such a shitty scheme
If you have done this
Your mom and I won't let you
marry Dianxi
Is that true?
Really? Mom
Thank you
Oh right, just a while back you did choose Falong
Then why were you so anxious when I was about to die?
I just wanted to make you a bit mad
Shizhu, I have been keeping this in my heart
for 12 years. I've never told you this
What?
I LOVE U
Really?
When I tell the truth, you laugh at me
I should eat dog shit if I lie to you
The wind is blowing the leaves
It knows who I'm thinking of day and night
My heart, full of love, is broken quietly
Leaving the forbidden zone of love
My heart wanders into a hopeless slumber
Coz I don't want to think about you all the time
I admit to be a bit weary of our changing relationship
But nobody can replace you
I don't believe that true love is a sin
But now I meet my true love and become a sinner
Your voice and your eyes are in my dreams
And I cannot forget them...